I stabbed myself. I stabbed myself twice. This happened a couple of weeks ago, but I am just now able to post it. No, I do not have a desire to unalive myself. And if I did, I promise you this would not be the method I use. It was traumatizing. Every time I look at my fingers, I get a little queasy. I have been having a one-sided battle with everything lately. I don’t know what the hell is going on. But I bring this up because I am struggling to wrap my mind around how people stab someone to death. I hate to say this, but there is a chance I may die if I am put in a me or you situation and knives are involved.
I could have passed out, not just from seeing my blood coming out at an alarming rate, but because of the pain. Mind you, it was a small stabbing due to the avocado pit moving and the knife going through the avocado, striking my finger, twice. Don’t ask. Due to MS, I have decreased sensation in my hands, so the pain could have been worse. To think about inflecting that type of pain on another person disturbs me. To think about doing it repeatedly, has me distressed.
I’m going to look at stabbing deaths a lot differently going forward. So, if we are ever in a me or you situation, just shot me. Please don’t stab me. I can’t take it. And if I live through it, can you imagine how traumatized I would be. Anyhoo, watch out for those slippery avocado pits. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡💚
P.S. No, I’m not losing it. I am really just traumatized and I needed to talk about it. This incident actually might have me going to therapy. Maybe it is bringing up some other shit I don’t know about.
Ebony’s Playlist: What’s on Repeat – Christian Music Edition
I have finally created a playlist on a Sunday that features Christian music. It shouldn’t have taken me this long. Smh. Honestly, I was having a hard time picking songs. They all were slower tempo and I wanted to include some upbeat, clap your hands music. Now, that I set this 30 days of post, I had to go with what I had. I hope you all are not disappointed. Maybe, next Christian music post, I will include the praise songs I like.
God – Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers featuring Natalie Grant
Years upon years ago, Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers performed at the church I was attending. I purchased a CD and preceded to play it out as I do all songs that I like. This particular song I gravitated to so much, even though this version was not on the cd. I like this one because she sings it with so much feeling, she pulls you in. My favorite part of the song is, “Whatever you do with me, is alright. You have my total trust.” I am not there yet, but that is the relationship I want to have with God. I want to not just accept God’s will in my life, I want to trust it is all for a greater purpose. That it leads me to the next level and the next level.
Didn’t You Know – Donnie McClurkin
I don’t even know what to say about this song. It touches my heart, and it makes me emotional. When I am doubting (not the correct word, but I am drawing a blank) God’s love and presence, it brings me back. It makes me aware of what I have to be grateful for. The big and little things that God has done for me even when I don’t see it.
God’s Not Done With You
I have limitations and there are times that I cannot see past them. Yet, I realize that my continued existence on this earth means I still have purpose, even if I don’t know what my purpose is. This song is just a gentle reminder.
Fix My Eyes – for KING & COUNTRY
I really like the words of this song. They are so relevant to what is happening in America right now. Unfortunately, people have lost this message and way of thinking. The total opposite is being done. I want to still believe in humanity as a whole, but it is a struggle. For the people who are like me, we have to fix our eyes on God and live a life that serves others and makes us proud of who we are. It is so important for us to let the world know we are still here. It is not all bad.
The songs included on this post will be on my Spotify, but not in the regular Ebony’s Playlist. They will be in a separate playlist called Gospel. I have moved them to the top of the list just for you. Feel free to check out the whole playlist if you like. I want to continue to post my Christian music favorites. I’m not all k-pop and mellow music. I hope these songs uplift you and speaks to your soul. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚
Ready, Set, Write!
When I started my blog, I didn’t really have any clear direction of where I wanted to go with it. I just knew that I wanted to write and let people know that they were not alone in this world. That, they too could let their freak flag fly because here was another freak (not in a nasty way) that could understand being different and was okay with it. I did find that my posts leaned towards optimistic and positive content, and I was and am okay with that. Yet, as I have changed and evolved, I feel like I pigeonholed myself. That my “niche” isn’t representing me accurately. Even though I still don’t feel as if that was my niche. I felt like I could only complain so much because based on past posts, people were here for the positive commentary. I still don’t want to complain, but I do want to diversify my content. I want to talk about things that interest me and things that I love. For instance, music, hence Ebony’s Playlist. Driving, k-dramas, books, pictures. Whatever brings me joy or just draws my attention. I even want to throw some videos in here. Because the one thing I love more than writing is talking.
So this month, I want to post every day. I want to get back into writing. I want to revive EbonyonEverything. I mean, I have never stopped having something to say. I just need to say it here. Today starts my 30 days of blog posts. I can actually complete some of my half finished posts finally. Hopefully, by the end of the 30 days, I will have regained my spark. This post feels discombobulated to me, probably due to my lack of writing. But I hope you get my point. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚.