Month: December 2019

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Decade in Review

So Saturday I locked myself out of my apartment building for the first time. I was hoping to never do that but there I was early as fuck in the morning standing outside ringing random buzzers hoping one of my neighbors would let me in 🤣🤣🤣. God, why???? I started with the young guy I met Friday when he was moving in. No luck there. Then I realized that the person above me is always up walking around because I can hear them. I don’t sleep well and apparently they don’t either. Bingo baby, buzzzzz and I am in. Now what I didn’t say is I put the tea kettle on before I ran to put the laundry in my car. At this point I know it is whistling loud as hell. Lol. Probably why my neighbor let me in. When I got in, it was screaming at the top of its lungs, if it had lungs. I know everyone was relieved. Hahahaha. I am so awkward. Just thought I would share.

I signed up to receive emails from this young lady named Marie Forleo. She is a motivational/self-help guru. She has a program called B-school to help people make their businesses successful, a book called Everything is Figureoutable, a show called Marie TV and a podcast. I am slightly jealous. Except I am just not that personable or energetic and I don’t feel like faking it. Lol. In one of the emails I received from Marie, it contained a 3 part series called Decade in Review. I seen it and ignored it. Then I realized maybe this would be good for me. So I watched the video for part one. I wrote down the questions while I was at the laundromat. I went and sat on the water to work on answering the questions from part 1. I stalled out on question number 1. The question is, “Over the past 10 years, what are you proud of?” Yeah I wrote down about 4 things and I just couldn’t think of anything else. I wish it was only because I just couldn’t remember back that far. That is not the only reason.

I believe the main reason is because I haven’t done anything. I have just wasted 10 years of my life, from 32 to 42, not doing anything of real importance. Leaving me with less than 5 things to be proud of that I can rattled off easily. What the hell is wrong with me???? Or I guess I should say what the hell was wrong with me? Not because I have done anything of importance since this discovery but because I realize that I cannot in any way, shape or form allow another 10 years, hell another year to pass without changing this. I have been sitting on so many ideas over these past few years that I just never even worked on in any way. Ideas I would have been proud to write down if they had came to fruition. Even if they didn’t work out I could have been proud of at least trying. Smh. Yet I don’t have shit to show for these last 10 years. A few things but not nearly enough.

I have been pretty much lost as to how I was going to approach 2020. I feel as if I don’t set my intentions for this year to come that I will be blown in whatever direction life takes me. Then to get stumped on the first question of the assignment let’s me know that it is imperative that I get it together and set some goals. To have a game plan and ways to execute it. To be aware of all the things I did wrong over the past 10 years and not repeat any of those actions. I am not going to beat myself up. What’s done is done. My friend said his goal is accountability. I guess that is what I am realizing right now. I am taking accountability for my past transgressions against myself and releasing the shame, guilt, frustration and anger. Shit happens, I just have to stop stepping in it. Lol.

So here we are on New Year’s Eve, all hyped up about what the new year will bring. What possibilities lies ahead of us. What are we going to be, what are we going to do? To you I say, do things that make you proud of yourself. Do the things that you have always wanted to do but for some reason…you just didn’t. Do things that make you feel good. It is so important that we as human beings utilize our God given freewill. If you haven’t set your goals for the new year, you still have time. We have a few more hours. And if you still don’t know, make it a point to not let this new year/decade take you places you don’t want to go. Get intentional about this life.

I want the best for everyone. I want everyone to succeed at whatever it is that they want in life. I want each and every one of you to leave 2019 well and whole and to start 2020 off with a sense of peacefulness. Peace with who you have been and what has happened. No matter what you did or did not do over the past 10 years, be proud of yourself. You made it!!! You have kept going despite the difficulties. You are strong, you are powerful beyond even your own realization, you are resilient and you are loved. I love you all.

To my loyal and faithful readers, Thank You. Thank you for continuing to support me all of 2019 even through my midlife crisis. Thank you for subscribing to all my craziness. Thank you for your encouraging words and messages. You don’t know how much it means to me. And I am not good at expressing it because I am emotional stunted. Lol. Seriously, I write for myself but I am happy to know that people connect with me, my words and my stories. You make my heart full.

Here is the link to Marie Forleo’s Decade in Review if you are interested.

Don’t Create A 10-Year Plan Without Doing This Decade In Review

https://www.marieforleo.com/2019/12/decade-in-review-10-year-plan

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Moments (Merry Christmas)

So one thing that they asked at the MS support group was, “Name a good thing that happen to you this week?” Last week I struggled. I couldnt think of one single solitary thing. Like for real. When it got to me the only thing I could say was being at the meeting. By the end of the week, that was still the best thing that happened to me. Sad, I know. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to find the good in the events of the week.

Well on Sunday, the start of a brand new week, one good thing had already happened. Yay! I was out bright and early as I do most weekends, bird watching and experiencing the sunrise. I usually park right on the street because it gives me the best view of the water without getting out of the car in this cold weather. I also sit on the passenger seat because it has the best view for picture taking. I notice this truck that passed by me because it rocked my car a little. Lol. Next thing I know the same truck is on the side of me. Now I just assumed they either think that they know me or need directions. Wrong on both accounts. They are in fact checking on me to make sure I was okay. The mom said when the son seen me move in the car he said, “Thank God.” Yeah I almost cried. That simple act has set my week off on a good note. I just had to share.

As a whole 2019 has completely sucked. Like the worse year! And I am not exaggerating. A friend said to me that instead of exchanging gifts for Christmas let’s create a memory. A couple friends going out for food, drinks and laughs beats a gift any day. But just that simple suggestion made me reevaluate how I plan on leaving this year behind. I feel like I have dwelled too much on this year as a whole when really I should be focusing on the moments, the memories and the experiences.

It amazes me the impact that I have had on people throughout my life. I wish that I could say all the memories that people have of me are positive ones but that would be delusional. Lol. I look back at the different variations of me that I have been in my lifetime and I know that some of them have been pretty rough. When I was mad, everyone knew it. When I felt I was right, I would argue you into the ground. I spoke the truth in mean and hurtful ways. Then there are other versions of me. Mellow and slow to anger. The me who doesn’t care to argue about who is right or wrong, even though I know I am right. Lmao. All these versions have given and received good and bad moments. My goal is to focus on the good.

So as we near a new year and decade in our lives, what are you remembering? Are the good moments and memories at the forefront or have the bad memories taken over? I know that I have allowed the bad ones to rule my life these past 3 – 4 months. So the next few days I am going to write out all the wonderful things that have happen this year. I am going to celebrate the life goals that I have crossed off my bucket list. I am going to reminisce on the good times, the laughs and all the times I have stepped out of my comfort zone. I am going to live this year all over again but in a good way. Lol.

I know I am not the only person that has had a rough year. Everyone I know and love has had some serious trials and tribulations. I mean no one has been left untouched by life’s cruel hands. Just know that you all are in my prayers. Look up and focus on the good moments, memories and experiences to keep your head up. I know it can be hard to see them when life is steadily slamming you down with each new wave. But they are there and they will put a smile on your face by just thinking about them. In these uncertain and turbulent times, be well and whole. God loves you and so do I.

I did not put up a Christmas tree, this is my friend’s tree. Lol. It is pretty though.

MERRY CHRISTMAS🎄🎁❗

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My First MS Support Group

So on Thursday, December 19, 2019, I attended my first MS support group. I did not realize I was even attending a support group. I went to the meeting to support my friend, Kimberly, who was the guest speaker at the meeting. Honestly, I didn’t know the topic of the presentation or anything. Lol. You support your friends and that is all I know. The awesome thing was the information was relevant and the presentation was well done. I give it an A.

This support group is called Missing Myelins. I thought that was interesting because the posts I uploaded in March, MS Awareness Month, was titled Missing Myelin Part 1 and Part 2. The group was a diverse mix of people that actually were pretty upbeat. The majority of the people had been diagnosed within the last 2 – 3 years. There was only about 3 people besides myself who had been aware of the disease as long as I have or longer. There was a lady by the name of Kimesha with a lively spirit and obsessed with food like me. She has a beautiful voice and sang us out with Silent Night. It was fabulous. There was a Nurse Practitioner who said the best thing that happened to her this week was a man telling her she was cute. She was very pretty and I am surprised she doesn’t get told that more often. There was a guy by the name of Tommie that was 6′ 7″ tall with a wooden walking stick made by Brazos Walking sticks that his mom brought him. I looked them up online. They aren’t cheap but they look well worth it. I will definitely invest in one in the near future.

I met some interesting and incredible people who may have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis but were not down and out. I met a lovely silver fox who was struggling with her diagnosis because she had suffered for so long with a misdiagnosis as well. Also an amazing lady who was diagnosed with MS as well as Parkinson’s and utilized a motorized scooter. These wonderful people gathered themselves together after a long day at work or just getting out of the house even when they were having a terrible day physically and mentally. I commend them for their strength and perseverance. For coming together to encourage each other. For realizing their need to be supported and to support others.

The topic of the meeting was “Multiple Sclerosis: Understanding and Coping with Depression and Fatigue”. I have definitely experienced fatigue with MS. And there have been days when lassitude set in as well. New word! Lassitude was described as “My tired is tired!” That no matter how well you sleep or if you haven’t even done anything at all, you are still tired. Now that sucks! Thank God I don’t experience that often. My favorite quote of the presentation was “If You’re Going Through Hell…Keep Going” by Winston Churchill. And I believe that is what a good portion of people with Multiple Sclerosis does. Or any other serious, life altering illness or disease. And anyone who is living. Lol.

Now I haven’t experienced depression. I have been sad and I have had days where I was down, but nothing that lingered. I cannot say that I wouldn’t benefit from talking to a licensed professional. But that would be in regards to life in general. Lol. I am thankful that MS is not affecting my mental health at this point. From the presentation I found out that there is not really any licensed professionals that specializes in treating patients with MS in Lucas County and surrounding areas. So I am happy that Kimberly has made it her purpose to serve people affected by Multiple Sclerosis and their caregivers/families. It is needed. And she is the perfect person being as she lives daily with a person affected by MS, her husband.

So I don’t think I will become a regular at the support group but I wouldn’t mind stopping in from time to time. It is great to know there is a group available that is not all doom and gloom. Holly, the group leader, was warm and welcoming. And I like the group name 😂😂😂. I know I’m silly. I am glad that I attended the presentation and the group. Definitely a positive moment. Be well and whole. Love you all.