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When I Think About it

I lied to my friend the other day. Not on purpose. I was thinking of a situation using my current environment, not my past environment. I saw a cute dude at the UPS Store, and of course I was looking. I got caught looking. I realized I wouldn’t have gotten caught if he wasn’t looking back. I said to Shayla, “Yeah, he is looking until I get out of this car and he sees I’m handicap.” Not verbatim, but close enough. She says, “If he has an issue then he is shallow, like you.” No protest, I am shallow, she knows me. Then I proceed to say, “I could possibly date a disabled dude. It just depends on the level of disability.  I don’t want to wipe ass.” That was the lie.

First, I don’t mean now. I’m limited. We can’t both need help. Second,  I was thinking along the lines of if I wasn’t disabled. I would like to think I would be a better person at this age if I didn’t have limitations. I hope that alternate universe Ebony would be over her shallowness and is able to see and love a disabled man, a short man, or a man with a great personality. Unfortunately, I would probably still be the shallow asshole that would not date a man with a disability or shorter than 5’10”.  Hell, I am a shallow asshole right now, and I don’t have any room to be.

The reason why I lied was because I look at myself and see all that I am despite my limitations, and I have to believe someone else will see it too. If I say, as a healthy person, I wouldn’t date a person with a disability, where does that leave me?  I cannot expect anyone to do something I would be unwilling to do in their same situation. A disability is just part of who a person is, not the whole person. I don’t want anyone who is out here making a life and a way for themselves to be without love for such a shallow reason, me included. Yet, everyone has preferences and who am I to put my insecurities on them.

When it is all said and done, the lie was unintentional. As I thought more about the topic, I realized that if I had minimal to no growth over the past 10+, I most likely would not date a man with limitations. Multiple sclerosis (MS) has changed me and allowed me to look at the world through a different lens. I have grown in many ways over the years. I guess that is one good thing it did. And just in case I switch bodies with alternate universe Ebony, I will be ready with my MS perspective to make sure that version of me evolves into a better person. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

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So Much To Do, So Little Time

You would think at this big age I would know what I want to do in life. I don’t. Even when I think I have figured it out, I’m wrong. I have consistently changed what I do for a living. Somehow, I get a restlessness for what I am doing, thinking that there is more to life. Truth is, there is more to life, and maybe I am meant to experience as much as I can. I get a little concerned because I don’t want to be one of those people who are never happy, always looking for something more. I do believe we can find beauty and contentment in the space we are living in currently.  I just don’t want that contentment to lull me into submission. Not solid on this word usage, but struggling to think of a different word.

Where am I going with this? Today, I purchased a membership to Codecademy. Codecademy is a website that assists you with learning computer coding. I briefly learned a very minimal amount of coding when I started my blog 7 years ago. I went in and made a couple of edits on my blog, and I was so excited. I guess not excited enough to keep learning 😆. Now, here I am giving it another shot. I would like to learn a lot more and use that knowledge to truly personalize my blog and possibly create my own website. Why not? I haven’t been happy with the hosting platform, and now they are nickle and diming (not a word) me for everything. I am sure I can’t do any worse.

So here I am, starting a whole new phase of life when I haven’t even mastered the one I’m in now. Smh. I stay doing some shit. I am excited about it though. Maybe this one will stick. And if it doesn’t, I can always try something else. It is much to be and do in life. Do you know what you want to be when you grow? Are you living your dream or still searching? You can tell me. I would like to hear from you. Stay well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

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Café Librerio

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

Once again, Day One Prompts saving a sister. This is actually the prompt from August 10th. Either I didn’t pay attention to it on that day, or I had something more important to talk about. Who knows? I guess I can always go back and see what I did talk about on the 10th.

Seven years in the future, I am unlocking the door to my coffee shop, Café Librero, in Tulum, Mexico. The smell of coffee greets you as you walk through the door. There are small circular tables with comfortable, plush chairs. Along the left wall are bookshelves filled with books showing Spanish and English titles. On the right wall, there are mugs with Spanish sayings and shirts to match. The walls are beautifully painted in a rusty orange with floral designs that looks real enough to touch. The barista calls out a greeting in English followed up with the same greeting in Spanish. You approach the register to place your order, knowing that you will be understood in either language. You speak slowly, using choppy Spanish, because you are still learning, and you are happy to have a place to practice.

As you wait for your order to be prepared, you browse the books on the shelves. You find the latest romance novel by Jasmine Guillory and tuck it under your arm. You have been looking for this book, but have been unable to find it at any of the other bookstores. You grab a seat at a yellow table with a mandala design painted on the top. The orange and yellow chair you sit in is made for chilling and reading a book. Another worker brings your order to your table, and you have another opportunity to practice your Spanish. They are patient with you as you speak and offer encouragement on what you did say right.  You laugh, a little embarrassed, but happy to be getting real-world experience. As you sip your hot, but not too hot to drink, coffee, you dive into the first chapter of the book.

My dream is to retire at 55, move to Tulum, Mexico, and open up a coffee shop. I want to sell coffee,  mugs with Spanish sayings and t-shirts. I want to allow people to borrow and purchase books in English or Spanish. My cafe will be advertised as a place for new Spanish speakers to come in and get an opportunity to improve their Spanish by speaking with the workers and others who frequent the establishment. I know Duolingo isn’t the way to learn, and others have stressed how important it is to immerse yourself when learning a new language. My café will be a stop  on your journey to mastering a new language. What I’m really selling is an experience. One that you will remember long after you return home.

Your turn. What would be the name of your shop? What would you sell? Tell me your wildest dream. I’m nosy and I want to know. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚