Uncategorized – Page 63 – Ebony on Everything

September 3, 2019September 3, 2019

What God Has For You Is For You

So I am off work for a few days. It is in fact a holiday weekend and I took a couple extra days. Needed to relax and decrease my stress level. Plan was to find a couple of different places to watch the sunrise, throw away some things I don’t use, need or want and read and write a little. Oh and wash clothes 😩. I love the spot I go to but I am sure there is a better sunrise location. Probably in Michigan somewhere. I was all about it. Then this happened. Second day into my 5 days off.

I guess someone thought I had something that belong to them in my car. Obviously, I didn’t because it is my fucking car. And the things that are in it belong to me and my family. But I guess. The worst part is I am out of money to replace a window and there wasn’t really much in my car. They stole my nephew’s bookbag with his school books in it, 2 pairs of sunglasses, dirty clothes and an empty wallet. Somebody stole my dirty drawers lol. Dumb asses. Now I am going to use you as I talk about this situation from this point on. Please know that I am not referring to any of my readers. I know that this crime was not committed by anyone reading this. I am just lazy and don’t feel like making my speech generic for this whole post.

I am fighting to thrive. I am fighting to pull myself through this rough patch that I am in right now. I don’t have much. Definitely not enough for someone to take. But why would you want to take something anyway? Just as I can pull myself together every day and go punch a clock for what I need and some wants, so can most people. We all have control of the life we choose to live. Not saying that it’s always going to go our way, but each person should do their best to be who they want to be and have what they want to have. No one else should factor into the situation. If the only way that you are going to have a particular item is by taking it, it is not for you right now in your life. Not saying that it is something you will never have. Just not right now.

What God has for you is for you. What I mean by that is no amount of taking from another will get a person what God has for them. I don’t understand stealing. I don’t want anything that someone else has. It isn’t meant for me. I have a whole list of wants and needs that are specific to my life. I want a Tesla, I wouldn’t take someone else’s. I know that is an extreme example, but for real though. Hell, their Tesla may not have the amenities that I want in mine. Lol. Ok, seriously though. People assumes so much about you. That you got it going on and you can spare a little. When usually that is not true. Most people are fighting to survive and thrive in this world. They are working hard to stay on their feet and to get to the next level. How dare someone take what they have? How dare someone cause them to slide back from the place that they fought so hard to come from? Smh. As they say, “The struggle is real”. This right here is the most important. If God gave it to me I am going to get it back. Because it was meant for me. Since it was not meant for them, God is going to take it from them. It is as simple as that.

So here I am on a Tuesday still riding around with a garbage bag on my window. Actually 3 of them.

None of the businesses I contacted were open on Monday, well because it was a fucking holiday! One such business owner felt the need to check his messages and took time out of his day to give me a call on Monday. Which worked because the window had to be ordered. I have an appointment today. I am happy that I don’t have to wait another day to get it fixed. I am unhappy that what I thought was going to be some relaxing, peaceful water filled few days off turned out to add additional stress on top of what I was already trying to unload. I am okay, but I feel a little discouraged. I believe I will feel a helluva lot better when my window is fixed.

For everyone who is going through right now, I get it. Though I don’t talk about all of my struggles on this blog, I have them in abundance. This blog is meant to allow people into my life, my thoughts and various, sometimes crazy opinions. I am always hoping to connect, inspire and encourage. I don’t want a serious of posts that come off as a pity party because that is not who I am. I believe that life happens to all of us. We have the option to decide how it affects us. I want to always come out on the other side of a situation with the same upbeat attitude. I want to enjoy this life as much as possible. I want to be well and whole. And what I hope and pray for everyone is for them to be well and whole also. Love y’all 😘.

[contact-form][contact-field label=”Name” type=”name” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Email” type=”email” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Website” type=”url” /][contact-field label=”Message” type=”textarea” /][/contact-form]

August 24, 2019August 24, 2019

Wilting (a poem)

Picture taken by me at the Toledo Museum of Art. Limited showing of “Community” by Rebecca Louise Law in 2018

They say bloom where you are planted

Well I bloomed…

Now

wilting

Is it due to lack of water(peace)

Being cut off from my life force

Was I fed the necessary vitamins

1 part love

1 part understanding

1 part appreciation

1 part dedication

Is it the stress that keeps coming

In waves drowning me before I can get up

Before I can stand on my feet

If I can just stand up

I’ll be alright

I’m sure

Is it day after day of the same shit

What can I do to break the monotony

I feel like

I need to dip my toes in the water

I need to soak it up through my stem

I need all that will allow me to bloom again

The problem may be my location

Maybe where I was planted was the wrong flower pot

The wrong vase with flowers that sucked up all the water

A flower bed overgrown with weeds

Maybe I am not getting enough light

Dig me out, pull me up, lift me out and replant me

I can’t grow here with these weeds

Suffocating me

Plant me in new soil, in a pot all my own

Face me toward the sun

That is where I will thrive best

Water me

Feed me

Nourish me

Love me

I have bloomed and I have wilted

I am made new

Due to the replanting of my being

In another location, flower bed, pot, vase

I am saved

August 7, 2019August 7, 2019

I Quit!

I am smiling because I just got these sunglasses back. I had left them at the barbershop.

I quit y’all. I quit at this life. And I am not talking suicide. But I am talking about trying to do things my way. Trying to make things work that should be released with love and appreciation for the time that was spent. I quit listening to others advice and words of wisdom. Though these individuals may mean well, the results do not always turn out so well. I quit trying to even make these decisions for myself. I am terrible at making big decisions. I will sit on it, going back and forth, back and forth repeatedly in regards to my options. At times I will even make the decision only to question myself and never follow through. Why??? Why is it so hard to make decisions?

Today I listened to the Quote of the Day show by Sean Croxton. The speaker, Charlie Day, was talking about doing away with a plan b. That if you allow plan A to be your only option, then a person can follow it through and focus on the plan. Here is the link to that episode. It is a great listen.

http://seancroxton.com/quote-of-the-day/708/

Ok, think I may have my answer right here. I allow for too many options to be available to me. With that it would be hard to make a decision. Charlie went on to explain times that big life changing decisions had to be made and how he negated the fall back option. I know that I am always thinking “Well if this doesn’t work, I can…” Well it looks like that is not the way to approach this here life. At this point, it has never worked for me. Lol.

Just recently I had to make a really big decision. When I tell you I was all over the place, I cannot stress it enough. Now I own my own home. My house is a little old and things are starting to get really bad. I wanted to move back into the house. There is an issue with the main pipe line due to the extremely winter. The cost unknown but I am sure it is not insignificant. What do I do? Mind you there are other things that are vying for attention as well. Do I focus on getting all this crap fixed, sale it and get pennies or move into an apartment where I am not responsible for all this extra crap? The decision was not a minor one. I know there were other options and they played over in my mind as well. These three were just the major choices. I just couldn’t decide but the whole time getting even more stressed about the situation. One morning I woke and looked in the mirror and said, “Make a decision right now.” And I did. I made the decision to move. Once that decision was made I just took a deep breath followed by a sigh of relief. “I did it, I did it” was what went through my mind. I felt soooooo much better, instantly. As the day went on I just felt lighter and lighter. And as the week has progressed, I continue to feel such a sense of relief.

Now I had been praying about this issue, but not really allowing the voice of God to speak to me. As I said earlier in the post, I quit. The quitting was to step back and allow God room to operate in my life. To hear his voice and receive his guidance. The last few weeks, I kept saying “God I quit” but not really doing it. That morning when I looked in the mirror and made a decision, it wasn’t really mines, it was God’s. It had been the thought that kept coming to the forefront the most but I was pushing it back. Allowing other plans/options to distract me. That day I quit. Now I can’t say that I will not fall back into bad habits and try to make decisions for myself. I’m a stubborn, hardheaded little fucker. I just have to learn how to lean on God more. To take even my small problems to him then maybe they won’t become big life changing ones. Sheesh. Why? I don’t know why I am so obtuse but I am constantly working on me. By choice and by chance.

Please tell me I am not alone. Lol. Somebody, anybody? Ok, whatever. Keep your secrets. But just in case you want to share them, I’m here. As you can see I have no right or room to judge. I do have an ear and an empathetic heart. My email is elsims27@yahoo.com or for the oh so brave souls, you can leave a comment below. Just know I am not the only one who will see it. Until next we meet, be well and whole.