I am a dreamer. Not just in life, but in sleep as well. I have the benefit of dreaming every night, and even at times remembering my dreams in detail. Before my hysterectomy, I used to have lucid dreams almost every night. They were so bright and vivid. I slept terribly. The only good thing was that I could wake up easily. I knew it was a dream. The bad thing is, I would just have another one. I still have lucid dreams, but not nearly as often. I do like controlling the dream, especially when I can get them to go my way. It seems like as soon as I take over though, I wake up. Booo!
I don’t know if every dream has a meaning, or if they are just mash-ups of your life, things you watch on TV, stories from books, and/or your overactive imagination. I do like to write them down when they stick with me after I wake up. There have been times I get annoyed with myself when I don’t write the dream out when it is fresh in my mind. I am NOT going to remember it in the morning! I have gotten more consistent with typing it in my phone right away. Is it readable? For the most part, but only probably to me. I get a kick out of reading the note in the light of day 😂.
Last night, I had a few different dreams, but there is one that stuck with me the most. This is the abbreviated version. I had met a man and we were dating. He wasn’t really my type, but he was sweet and I was starting to like him. Then, one of my ex-boyfriends showed up. He was colorful, bright, and loud. Next to him, the new dude was faded, muted, and didn’t hold my attention. Every time the new dude tried to speak to me, the ex would talk over him and pull my attention. I kept trying to hear him. Was even getting a little annoyed. When I woke up, my interpretation of the dream was, I would meet my person and a man from the past would try to distract me. I just thought, the dream was letting me know I need to be aware and not sabotage a good thing.
Yet, when I started to write the dream out, other thoughts and feelings clouded in. The dream had nothing to do with a man, it was all about me. In the dream, the ex was handsome, tall, just my type. The new dude was like a knock off version of him. Shorter, a little chubby, not impressive. I realized that those men represented me and how I see myself. The old me was the shit! Confident, outspoken, smart, pretty. The new me, a muted version of who I used to be. I spend more time missing the old version of myself and what I was capable of, than working on accepting the new me and what I still have to offer the world. I don’t know how to feel about this dream. I need to contemplate on this. Now, I knew that I had not accepted myself, but I did not realize how harshly I looked at myself 😢.
Well, it’s a good thing I’m in therapy. I guess I needed it more than I thought I did. I hope that you are giving yourself grace and love. We all deserve it! I hope you know there is something you have to offer at every stage of your life. There is not a version of you that cannot bless this world. I am going to work on believing this for myself. I hope you are well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚