Today, I had my first therapy appointment. And today, I decided, I quit therapy. Just kidding 😂. We barely even touched on anything and it was still a little intense. I thought I knew myself. I pride myself on being self-aware and knowledgeable of my faults. Yeah, I’m not. I have been sitting on the surface and she is about to make me dig my own damn grave. Yet, this is what I signed up for. I want a more fulfilling life. I want to know why I am here, and not just because God isn’t bored with me 😆. I want to be a better friend, daughter, sister, and aunt. I want to accept the current version of myself, and not keep dwelling on who I was. I want to be comfortable with crying, even if I don’t feel like it is helpful. Because I am sure keeping it in, isn’t helpful either. There is so much I want while I am still here on this earth. Oh, I even have a quote for this. It is my own quote.
“If this is truly the only life I get to live, I’ll be damned if I live this one.” – Ebony Sims
This is in reference to the life I am currently living. It is pretty average. Nothing to write about, even though I am always writing about it on this blog 😂.
After my appointment today, I realize why people don’t go to therapy. And I don’t recommend it, until you are ready. We are always walking around talking about how someone needs therapy, without realizing it is a huge step. Like it is nothing to play with. You are talking to some random person and telling them all your business. You are exposing parts of yourself, you haven’t even come to terms with yet. Then you have to tell the therapist why you feel a way. I don’t fucking know why I feel that way, I just do! Wrong answer 😕. And at this point, you have to evaluate your feelings in that moment and find the best one to describe the emotion that motivated you. Talk about work (wipes brow). Lol. Seriously though, I will be more cognizant of what I say in regards to therapy. It is nothing to take lightly.
I received a few packets and some homework. One of the packets was titled Becoming Whole. Talk about right place, right time. Not only is it a part of my sign-off, but it is one of my goals for my personal new year. I believe God lead me to this particular therapist. I am uncomfortable and a little scared. Heaven only knows what is going to come up in these sessions. But I believe it is my time to be well and whole. I wish the same for you, no matter how or when you get there. Much Love 🧡 💚