Ebony on Everything

I am a dreamer. Not just in life, but in sleep as well. I have the benefit of dreaming every night, and even at times remembering my dreams in detail. Before my hysterectomy, I used to have lucid dreams almost every night. They were so bright and vivid. I slept terribly. The only good thing was that I could wake up easily. I knew it was a dream. The bad thing is, I would just have another one. I still have lucid dreams, but not nearly as often. I do like controlling the dream, especially when I can get them to go my way. It seems like as soon as I take over though, I wake up. Booo!

I don’t know if every dream has a meaning, or if they are just mash-ups of your life, things you watch on TV, stories from books, and/or your overactive imagination. I do like to write them down when they stick with me after I wake up. There have been times I get annoyed with myself when I don’t write the dream out when it is fresh in my mind. I am NOT going to remember it in the morning! I have gotten more consistent with typing it in my phone right away. Is it readable? For the most part, but only probably to me. I get a kick out of reading the note in the light of day 😂.

Last night, I had a few different dreams, but there is one that stuck with me the most. This is the abbreviated version. I had met a man and we were dating. He wasn’t really my type, but he was sweet and I was starting to like him. Then, one of my ex-boyfriends showed up. He was colorful, bright, and loud. Next to him, the new dude was faded, muted, and didn’t hold my attention. Every time the new dude tried to speak to me, the ex would talk over him and pull my attention. I kept trying to hear him. Was even getting a little annoyed. When I woke up, my interpretation of the dream was, I would meet my person and a man from the past would try to distract me. I just thought, the dream was letting me know I need to be aware and not sabotage a good thing.

Yet, when I started to write the dream out, other thoughts and feelings clouded in. The dream had nothing to do with a man, it was all about me. In the dream, the ex was handsome, tall, just my type. The new dude was like a knock off version of him. Shorter, a little chubby, not impressive. I realized that those men represented me and how I see myself. The old me was the shit! Confident, outspoken, smart, pretty. The new me, a muted version of who I used to be. I spend more time missing the old version of myself and what I was capable of, than working on accepting the new me and what I still have to offer the world. I don’t know how to feel about this dream. I need to contemplate on this. Now, I knew that I had not accepted myself, but I did not realize how harshly I looked at myself 😢.

Well, it’s a good thing I’m in therapy. I guess I needed it more than I thought I did. I hope that you are giving yourself grace and love. We all deserve it! I hope you know there is something you have to offer at every stage of your life. There is not a version of you that cannot bless this world. I am going to work on believing this for myself. I hope you are well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

Here is the second half of my list. I did have a little difficulty picking the final books, but I finally narrowed it down.

When Forty Blooms by Jacinta Howard

I found this author later in my reading journey, but I am still excited about her. She managed to write a book that displayed a healthy relationship with minimal drama. I know people love a book with drama and angst. It has to be this climax where someone gets hurt from miscommunication and then break up. Then, the other person is running around trying to win them back. They finally have the talk they should have been had and then everything is okay 🙄. Good grief! In When Forty Blooms, Simone is turning 40 and she is ready to live a little. It is a second chance romance that is sweet and heartwarming.

An Easy Death by Charlaine Harris

Remember how I said I like a strong female lead that also kicks ass. Lizbeth is all of that. Lisbeth is a hired gun. People hire her for security or package delivery. She is determined to complete every mission. I like how she isn’t invincible in this story. She gets hurt and has to recover. I know it is fiction, but it seems a little more realistic. An Easy Death is book 1 in a series of 6. Book 6 threw me off a little. The author is saying it is the final book, but I hope not. It has a weird ending. I still recommend the whole series.

House Witch by Delemhach

This a really good, entertaining read. I laughed some many different times throughout this book. The story centers around a male witch, who doesn’t want anyone to know he is a witch, whose powers only work when he feels like a place is his home. There are two other books to go along with this one, The House Witch 2 and The House Witch 3. I recommend the series. It does get a little serious as the story goes along, but it is still entertaining.

The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer

This book let me know that any job you can think of, it can be done. Clover is a death doula. What? That’s what I said. She sits with people through their last days of life.  I think that would be a sad job, but also fulfilling. To be the person who does not let a person die alone. You can only imagine what they say at the end. Clover collected their those thoughts.

Stolen Focus by Johann Hari

I am not a heavy reader of non-fiction books, but I do enjoy them. I have been listening to my non-fiction books, but they are better if I read them. I tend to zone out if the narrator doesn’t grab my attention. This book is about all of the distractions that were purposely created to get our attention. These companies are constantly thinking of ways to get us hooked and using these computer nerds to do it. It was enlightening to learn all the devious ways and possible solutions.

An honorable mention is a two part series I read that helped me get a good number of books in this year, The Librarian of Crooked Lane and The Watchmaker’s Daughter by C. J. Archer. The first series starts with The Watchmaker’s Daughter. I actually read this after the second series, The Librarian of Crooked Lane, because I didn’t know there was a prequel. Each series has about 12 books. Very helpful if you don’t want to keep searching for books.

Have you read any of these books? If you decide to check them out, please let me know what you think. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚