Ebony on Everything

On this day one of the loves of my life was born. My first love, my nephew, Brandon Sims, Jr. I never call him that. I call him Onion. He has been Onion since he was about 1 year old. Long story. He is now 17. I don’t know when I will stop calling him this nickname. Probably never. Lol. 

 

 

About a year ago I started to write a book for him. It contains all the things I talk to him about right now but I know he isn’t really listening. He is a teenager after all. One day he will be open to these words and actually apply some to his life. I don’t want to heavily influence him instead I want him to have experiences, learn from them and grow in a way that is authentic to him. I am hoping that my book will just be a guide. I plan on giving this book to him on his 18th birthday. The day he will be released upon the world as an adult. He won’t be ready for the responsibility of adulthood. Who ever really is? But he will alway have me guiding him to question the world, his surroundings and what works best for him. All he has to do is open the book.

 

Here is a couple of passages from the book with quotes that I feel fit the topic. I believe these can be beneficial for anyone, no matter their age. 

 

“The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus.” – Bruce Lee

 

Focus

 

I know I used to tell you this all the time when you were younger. I wasn’t talking about your mind, I was talking about your eyes. Lol. Now I am totally focused on your mind. Your generation is so overstimulated with all of the technology available to you. Take a moment and step back from these things. Get in tune with yourself. Focus on your gifts, your abilities and your ideas. Know what they are and use them, grow them and work them to your advantage.

 

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember — the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar

 

Do Not Let Others Speak Negativity Into Your Life

 

I know that the older generation is so used to saying negative things thinking that they will have a positive effect. Not at all. There are plenty of studies that show that negative reinforcements do not work. That most people respond well to positive reinforcement, rewards and affirmations. So when people say to you, “You are just like your mom”, “If you don’t do this you aren’t going to be something”. Reject those words. Do not let them into your mind. Guard yourself. I know and see your great potential so I do get mad at you sometimes when I see you doing the opposite. When I feel like you are messing up on purpose as if to prove that you are not worthy. You will always be worthy to me. I will always root for you. I am team Brandon no matter what! I will always speak life into you. I will also check you when you are being a little turd. I will push you. I believe in you and I know that you are capable and able to do anything.

 

These same words I say unto you today. We can accomplish anything that we focus on and put our energy towards. It is never too late to change it around. Yes, we may have wasted time on the wrong job, the wrong person or the wrong thoughts. But we can start new. We can focus on our dreams and set new goals to achieve them. 

 

Look at the people around you. Are they supportive of you or are they constantly telling you how it won’t work? Why it won’t work? What is “wrong” with you?  Time to clean house. Misery loves company as the saying goes. Dr. Brene Brown says, 

 

“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

 

Mic drop 🎤.

 

Be well and whole everyone. Much love 🧡 💚 

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Just read an article in the New York Times online in regards to UPS now allowing their employees to wear their natural hair and facial hair. This change was implemented by their first female chief executive officer, Carol Tomé, in its 113 year history according to the NYT article. I have so many thoughts. First, I did a little research on Carol Tomé. I like her. She had actually retired from Home Depot last year as their Chief Financial Officer after being with the company for 24 years. Not a bad position to hold, but was also passed up for the position of chief executive officer with the company. If you know me, you know that I am pro-woman. I believe that women, when given the opportunity, have so much to contribute to this world. Fuck all that talk that we are emotional creatures and therefore cannot be trusted to make sound decisions. That is just a cop out to keep women in “their place”. I’m going to leave that alone. I can go on and on with this topic.

My second and most important thought upon seeing that article is, Really!?!?! I am so amazed that this is even an issue much less that it is still going on. Every time I see an article in regards to how a person wears their hair, I am so confused. What in the hell does that have to do with work performance or learning ability? Not a damn thing. So for companies and schools to make decision on who they hire or who can attend certain schools based on how they look is so beyond my grasp.

As a black woman who wears her hair as it grows out of her scalp, I take offense to these regulations (this is a nice word for what is actually happening). So you are telling me that I must use chemicals to alter my hair because…🤔. I’ll wait. I’m sure that whatever answer usually comes after the “because” is insufficient. I guess I have been blessed to have worked for companies where this has never been an issue for me. Not that it should have ever been an issue. I cannot stress this enough.

Who are we to tell people who to be? How to represent themselves? People are out here talking about their civil liberties in regards to wearing a fucking mask but companies and schools are trampling on people’s ability to just be themselves? It is some serious issues in this country, just saying. If people are going to fight for anything, fight for people’s rights to express and be themselves in all arenas of life.

Besides being pro-woman, I am absolutely for people being themselves at all times even if I don’t understand where a person is coming from. I might look at you with your orange, red, blue, green or rainbow hair and think it looks strange. But what I won’t do is judge you based on it. I don’t care what your hair looks like. I don’t care how many tattoos you have. I don’t care if your beard goes down to your belly button (is that possible?). What I care about is how you treat me and others. Are you kind? Are you sincere? Are you compassionate? Are you a good person? And even if you are a bad person, I don’t care. I just won’t deal with you.

I feel so much empathy for people who feel they have to jump through hoops just to be accepted in this world. And I am so grateful that I haven’t experienced it first hand. If you are a person who is struggling to find your place, know that there is a tribe out there for you. There is a group of people who will love and accept you just the way God created you. Stop trying to fit in. Fuck that job. Fuck that school. Go where you belong. You will be better for accepting who you are and allowing your light to shine at its brightest. And whatever company or school gets you will be better for it as well. Here is one of my favorite quotes:

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are” – e.e. cummings

Especially in a world that is trying to squash you. Have you experienced issues at jobs in regards to your hair? The way you dress? Just being you? Please share in the comments below. Or you can email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Be you, be well and whole. Much love to you exactly as you are 🧡💚

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Ok when you are in the house for 6 days straight you kind of lose track of the day and date. Also, Rihanna threw me off with her email talking about Singles Day on the wrong damn day. First, I would like to acknowledge and give honor to anyone who has served for this country, Thank You Veterans. Secondly, this post was originally published on Tuesday, November 10th. The tidbit of useless information is actually for today. This post has officially been corrected. Lol

A piece of useless information for you. Today is Singles Day. This “holiday” is celebrated in China every year on November 11th (11/11). It was supposedly started by four single guys in college in 1993. This is my first time hearing about it. The day is to be celebrated by playing games, having parties and movie nights with other single people. As all countries do, China converted it into a money making holiday. It is the biggest shopping day of the year there. America has Single Awareness Day. The date is February 15th. How lame 😂. Why does it have to be a day for everything? Well we can keep any day that involves food and liquor. Lol.

I got a microphone for my birthday. No, I cannot sing…at all. Lol. It is purely for fun. But I felt shy or embarrassed about taking it in the car with me and singing into it. Like what will people think if they look over at me singing into this beautiful pink mic? Are they going to laugh at me? Are they going to talk about me? Then today I realized that it would bring me joy to do it. Life is too fucking short to not do things that bring us joy especially if we are not harming others in any way. Why do I care what other people think?

As I was driving (yes I did sing into the mic) I decided that everything that brings me joy, I am going to do more of it. No excuses. If it is not something I can do by myself, I will ask others for help or to join me. For instance, I love motorcycles. I don’t have one and I probably wouldn’t trust myself if I did. Lol. So I’m going to ask people with motorcycles to take me for a ride. I’ll even buy my own helmet. I love playing miniature golf and I love winning. I can’t do that if I go by myself. So I’m going to ask people to go with me instead of not going at all.

I realize that this pandemic has totally changed some people’s life path. I get it. But I also know that there are things that we still can accomplish. Let’s set new goals. Goals that are smaller, doable ones. Ones that we can complete each week. And make some of them fun ones. Joyful, happy ones. I need for people to find what brings them joy and do it! There is just so much shit that once you become an adult, you have to do. What do you want to do? What makes you happy that you can do? Make a list and start checking things off of it.

Today is my last day of quarantine. I am so happy to be released out into the world. I am like a dog that has been in the house all day. I am busting out doing zoomies all in the yard. Lol. I have people to see, places to be and things to buy. One of these things I can’t wait to share. It stopped me in my tracks when I seen it last week. Unfortunately, I have to drive to Michigan because the store in Toledo doesn’t have it in stock. This thing is going to bring me so much happiness!

I can’t stress this enough, find your happy! And make a point of doing what makes you happy. For all we know this is the only life we have to live, why not live it to the fullest? Why not have fun? Why not sing into the mic? If you see me out and about singing into the mic, sing with me. Be well and whole. Much love 🧡 💚

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