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Dating 101

Isn’t it crazy how you meet someone and you care how their days go, what they did, what they ate, who they saw. It is like you want to be with them and see them every day. And then you look up and one day, you don’t. You don’t want to speak to them. You don’t answer their call or respond to their text. Sometimes the other person feels the same way that you do. They were only texting because they did not want to be the one to end the relationship. They may have a hard time with confrontation. Other times, that person is devastated. They are wondering what they said or did. Why don’t you like them anymore? They may start to develop insecurities. They are changed because they really cared and you are heartless with the way you are handling the end of the relationship. Ugh…it all sucks no matter what side you are on. But I will say it is better to be the dumper than the person getting dumped. Y’all know this is true.
I have just started dating again. I have been single for 2 years. I have also decided that I hate dating. I now know why people stay in unhappy relationships. My first foray back into dating started with dating sites. I did the free ones, Tinder and Bumble. No to both of those. I deleted them after a few days. I then joined Match. I didn’t want to pay at first because I’m cheap. But you can’t see who is interested in you unless you pay. So they ran a special with half off and I committed to 3 months. Once I was able to see the 19 guys that were interested in me, I wanted my money back. Unfortunately, that wasn’t happening. I proceeded to making sure that the 3 month membership I had just signed up for did not renew under any circumstances. Lol. I have seen guys that were interesting, but not as many options as I thought I was going to have. My 3 months ended at the beginning of this month and I did not go on a single date with any guy from Match. Now I must acknowledge the fact that I am shallow so that would change how I look at things. I am constantly trying to put aside this part of myself and even liked a few guys profiles. I am not sure if this is bad or not, but if they responded with the pre-written text that Match created, I wasn’t responding back. Come on! Just say hi. It is simple and effective. This one guy used the text that said something about going to a concert. Uh…no. I don’t know you to be going somewhere that I can come up missing easily. I’m good.
Now onto dating people off the internet. I met a guy through a friend of a friend. We will give him a fake name, Cosmo. Lol. I actually like this name for real. Cosmo was funny and had a great personality. I did not find him physically attractive but there was just something about him. We exchanged numbers and had stimulating phone conversations. We went bowling which Cosmo won (booo) and had some dinner at his place. Normally I would not have went to a guy’s house on the first date, but I didn’t feel any bad vibes. After the date, I really felt like it was the end. I just knew that he was going to let me fall by the wayside. And I was cool with that. No chemistry. Lo and behold, Cosmo still called and text me. Now we have set a second date. We played miniature golf which I won (hell yeah!) and went back to his place and watched T.V. Now after this date, I have never heard from him again. Lol. I have fun with it by saying that Cosmo was mad because I beat him at mini golf. The reality is he stopped talking to me because I didn’t have sex with him.
So, what the hell is going on with dating? Are we expected to be fucking after a couple of dates? Can shit just evolve naturally? What happened to kissing? Maybe a little messing around? Checking his penis size to even see if you want to go there? 🤗 (I don’t know what this emoji means but for now it means shyly feeling him out) 😂😂😂 Like I’m a little old-fashioned. I just want to take my time and get to know a guy. If the only thing he wants is sex, just tell me upfront. That way if I don’t agree, we just dropped it and not waste each other’s time. Or if the feeling is mutual, we can take it from there. But at this age, don’t try to run game and think my old ass is going to fall for it. Heard it all before, seriously! What I would like to see is sincerity and honesty. Can y’all do that?
So is anyone out here in the same boat as me? Hopelessly trying to move down a river that is constantly at low tide. Have you tried any dating websites? Met anyone interesting or have a great love story to tell? I would love to hear it. Please share! Or if you have a bad date story, I would like to hear that as well. It is slim pickings out here. That leaves me with just believing in God. Knowing that he will provide what I need when the time is right. But I may break a couple of rules along the way. They are made to be broken right 😉? Now for you all, don’t be like me, be well and whole.

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10 Things That Makes You Happy

I have a new favorite obsession. Verizon has a rewards program called Verizon Up. With each bill that you pay it accumulates to receive a credit. Each month they offer different things for you to use your credit on. One month I used my credit on a free book from Audible. Audible is Amazon’s audio book division. The book that I purchase from Audible was “The Last Black Unicorn” by Tiffany Haddish. I really enjoyed that book. Tiffany read the book herself and that made it a great listen. I knew then that I wanted everyone’s book about their life to be read by the author and I wanted a subscription to Audible. But I am cheap and I have enough subscriptions that I pay on monthly. I have Netflix, Hulu (pretty much for Futurama only) and Amazon Music. Oh and Match.com. Not touching that on this post but I will talk about that soon. That shit gets pricey. So I hesitated and waited and then, I finally gave in. Audible was offering two free books with a subscription. I already knew what book I wanted, “We Are Going to Need More Wine” by Gabrielle Union. I was indecisive about the second free book. Still haven’t used that credit yet.

Now Gabrielle Union’s book was all that I expected and more. She laid herself bare and I envy her vulnerability. I can’t imagine sharing so much of myself with millions of people. She did that. I don’t want to talk about it too much because it is a book I recommend that you read. I don’t want to spoil this awesome read/listen for anyone. There was so many takeaways from the book, but I am only going to touch on one in this post. It really spoke to me and got me to thinking after I listened to this part of the book. An individual at some point in Gabrielle Union’s life asked her to name things that made her happy. She didn’t do so well. She was only able to list a few things. And when asked again the same question, she was still stuck on those first few items that she had come up with. I felt bad for her. It seemed like an easy task. I just knew that I could do it.

When I say that this was an extremely hard exercise to complete. I have not even completed it yet. Lol. Gabrielle I feel your pain girl! I just assumed I would find ten things because there is so much that I like. But the reality is that I can’t say that everything I like makes me genuinely happy. I am sure we all have our definition of happiness. My definition is more along the lines of something or someone who brightens my day when I do it, I am near it or I receive it. The feeling could last all day or be momentary. I just know that I want that thing or person to continuing being a part of my life. And if it or them are not, I am not sure if I would consider my life to be a good one. Here is my list so far. I will updated this post periodically based on my realizations.

1. God. I think this is self-explanatory.
2. Water, large bodies that I can sit and look out on. A serious sense of peace comes over me when I am near water. To the point that I have made the decision that I will own a house on the water at some point in time in my life. To wake up the morning and have a nice, hot cup of coffee as I sit out on the water. Heaven on Earth!
3. Sunsets. I love all the colors .Orange, red, purple, yellow. Beautiful. Sunrise is nice too, but not as heart warming.
4. Speeding. I know this may seem like a crazy thing to make one happy but it does. I am actually unhappy when I have to drive the speed limits.
5. Coffee. I can go a day or two without it. I have even gone a month without coffee. If someone said I could never have it again, I may not be responsible for my behavior. Just saying.
6. Books. They can be audio books, e-books, paperbacks or hardcovers. I really don’t care, I need them in my life. If I start a good book, I will stay up all night to finish it.
7. Music. I don’t really have a preference. It is whatever I hear and what makes me feel good. Y’all know the saying, “Music has charms to soothe the savage beast.” Me, beast. Music, the answer.
8. Family and friends. I didn’t separate these because my friends are like my family. They both are my support systems and the people who love and accept little old me for who I am. They may tell me about myself, but they won’t leave me because I have not changed yet or ever.
9. …..
10. …..

So this is where I stand right now with this list. I am sure if I put my mind to it, I can fill in the last two spots, My mind is overloaded right now. I need to dump some things out of it. Lol. I have never considered coming up with this kind of list. It was an interesting experiment. Can you list 10 things? Can you list 5, 3? Was it easy or hard? I just want you to be happy. The best way to be happy is to know what makes you happy. Will you take time to make sure at least one of your ten things are a part of your life every day? Happy people are essential to this world. We need your happiness. Find it, live in it and be well and whole.

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Me Pt. 2, Facts

Looking back, Me Pt. 1 was created back in May of 2017. I guess I am due to share a little more information about myself. Here goes nothing, something, whatever.

1. I have only been in love 2 times in my life and I am not sure if either one of them counted. The first time I was 16 years old. And from my understanding young love like that is called puppy love. I guess adults don’t think at that age we have the capability to feel such deep emotions. Well, I did. And I still love him to this day. Not like I did when we were younger, but there is still love in my heart for him. The second time I was 30 years old. It took me a long time to realize that I was in love. Actually, someone else pointed it out to me. I struggled with the realization. Once I accepted the truth all I wanted to do was fall out of love. Lol. Not the right person or circumstances.

2. I am socially awkward and not good at small talk. After an initial greeting and talking about the weather conditions, I have no idea what to talk about. I will lapse into an uncomfortable silence, which I am not a fan of. If I’m too uncomfortable then I will start babbling about anything to fill the silence. Also, I am terrible at picking up on social cues. I like for people to say what they mean because I hate misunderstandings. I am a direct person and I need people to state their intentions directly. If you don’t, I probably won’t know what is going on unless someone else steps in and tells me. Then I can either clarify the situation or ignore you until you get the hint. Which at this point brings up number 3…

3. I’m an asshole. There us no way around it. I have to admit this. Most people probably wouldn’t believe this. I have grown up so I don’t say a lot of the things I used to when I was younger. I still think them, therefore I am still an asshole. Don’t get me wrong there are times that I do say them too. They just fall out of my mouth and sometimes I feel bad and other times I don’t give a shit. I am the type of person that when I am done with you, I will just never speak to you again. I won’t answer my phone, text you back and if I see you in public I will act like I don’t see you. I do not give people closure. I know this sounds mean and I am aware that it is mean. But the fact that I don’t care solidifies my point about being an asshole.

4. I am also an introvert to the point of being a recluse. I want to join the world, but every time I think about the energy it takes, I just say the hell with it. I’m so bad that I joined a group on Meetups to meet new people and start to socialize. Yea…still haven’t went to an event yet. It’s been almost a year. I love spending time by myself. Actually if I go too long without me time, I will morph into an evil person. I am getting too set in my ways. At this point, I cannot fathom living with someone on a daily basis. Plus, I would have to actually change because…

5. I am a total bachelorette that lives more like they say bachelors do. I am clarifying this because some bachelors are way neater than I am. I wash dishes when I want and I don’t make up my bed on a daily basis. I hate washing clothes and when I do, they will sit in a basket waiting on me to fold them. I iron only because my clothes are wrinkled due to sitting in a basket. I can’t tell you the last time I have eaten at my kitchen table. I usually will lean against the counter and eat standing up. I do have one redeeming quality though…

6. I love old people. The best job I ever had was delivering meals to senior citizens. If I could get paid comparable to what I make now I would work at a senior center. Now I don’t like wiping butts or cleaning up after people so I could not work in a nursing home. But simple interactions that brightens their day would make my day. Creating moments for seniors to feel loved and considered, my ideal of a life lived with purpose. Lending an ear to hear their concerns or listening to their stories from the past. Small but meaningful gestures. I am here for all of that.

I think that is enough sharing for now. I am sure that I have probably listed too many bad qualities, but I felt a need to get them out of the way. Next time I’ll lead with my more likeable, acceptable qualities. I am changing all the time. I hope it is for the better, but I can’t guarantee it 😉 “Know thyself” and “To thine own self be true”, so they say. I say, Be well and whole, whatever that looks like for you 😘.