Category: Life in Progress

I feel like our parents wasn’t specific enough when we were kids about adulthood. They would say things like, “Enjoy being a kid while you can.” “Don’t rush to grow up.” Yeah, we needed more details. This adult shit is not cool. I mean we couldn’t have avoided it, yet we could have been, I don’t know, a lot more reluctant to embrace it. Stayed at our parents house a little longer. Saved more money. Travel when we didn’t have real responsibilities. Planned better. Something dammit! But here we are, an adult till the day we die. Just in the world, lost as fuck 😂.

Okay, I know everyone doesn’t feel this way, but I’m sure it is a good amount of people who do. I have spent so much time lately being introspective about my life. Where I have been, where I am and where I want to be. I can’t say I am happy about any of it. Okay, that is not true, I have had some great moments in this long life. Yet, I feel like if I had taken a left instead of a right here and there, I could have had more great moments. Who knows where I would be. Maybe exactly where I am right now or not. Looking back, I definitely would have been more open to experiencing life in other places and meeting all types of people. I probably would have been either a hoe or a virgin 🤷🏾‍♀️😂.

There is a song I have been obsessed with called Beautiful Things by Benson Boone. I mean I played the fuck out of that song. Maybe not as much as Workin’ on Lovin’ by Juice, which Spotify was so kind to tell me 😂. 

Anyway, there is a part in the song where he says, “And I think I might have it all.” Have you ever felt that way? As I look back on my life, I can’t think of a time when all areas of my life was in alignment. When I felt like it was too good to be true or I was afraid that it wouldn’t last. I’m not upset about it. I just know I want that. I want that level of contentment. To look at my life and say, “Damn this is what I wanted. I’m living in the moment I prayed for.” I do believe that it is still possible. I just have no clue of when it is going to happen.

I have spent way too much time in my thoughts and not writing them down. The more I tell myself I need to write, the less I have the desire to write. I don’t know what is going on, but I know I need to get it together y’all. I hope this posts finds you well and whole. Much love to you all 🧡💚

Here is the songs I mentioned in the post. Maybe you will enjoy them as well.

https://youtu.be/Oa_RSwwpPaA?si=GwaZf9XGurvakpJD

 

https://youtu.be/Hns5wg2zxLU?si=sl3FI02r19Z4_P-E

Lately, every time I start to write, I dont want to. I still love writing, but I try to live by the saying, If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all. I don’t have much good to say right now. Nothing really bad either. I’m just blah. I don’t know what it is about Spring, but I realize every year that is when my life takes a turn. A turn that sets the tone for the rest of my year and it usually isn’t a good tone. A tone that leaves me grasping for placement while hanging off a cliff with no one else around to save me but myself. Do you know what I mean?

So here I am trying to figure out how to change the tone. How not to go down the rabbit hole. How to reclaim my hopeful, happy mindset. That has been my focus for the last month or so. This year has to be different. This year will be different! I got shit to accomplish. This state of doing and being is not conducive to the life I say I want to live. The life that I am meant to live.

I always find when I talk about my struggles, there are others who feel the same way. Living a life that feels wrong and yearning for the life of our dreams. How do we find the path that will lead us to the life we are meant to live? I am trying to find it for us. When I do, I will make sure I share it. And if you find it first, I need you to share it with me.

At times, I feel so ungrateful because I have a good life. I do not have a need, or many wants, that are unfulfilled. Yet, something just ain’t right. How many of you can relate? I don’t know if my perspective is skewed or if I am in a state of cognitive dissonance. I just know I don’t like it. Under all this, is the me I know. The me I want to be. The me that writes. The me that has something to say, … well a lot of things actually. Be well and whole. Much Love 💙 🧩

Have you ever agreed to something that you later wish you didn’t? Even worse, you actually volunteered to do it. Why? Why would I purposely torture myself? I don’t know. I have no excuse.

So my really good friend stated she was going to do the Daniel Fast for 21 days. Me, being the oh so supportive friend, said, I will do it with you. She texted me the food list and we set a date. Now I did have a general idea of the foods I was allowed to eat versus the foods I was not allowed to eat. I eat pretty healthy for the most part so I was like I got this. No alcohol, no soft drinks, no coffee. Wait, hold up! No coffee?!?! You have got to be kidding me. Let’s say at this point I realized I made a big mistake 😆.

The first 3 days without coffee I had the worst headache. It was so annoying. I didn’t want to quit then, I just wanted the headache to go away. About a week in I was over not having coffee. My mom makes it every morning and the smell was hurting my feelings 😂. One day, I said fuck this I am going to get up and make me a cup of coffee the next morning. I didn’t care, I had had enough! That day I woke up and a peace came over me. It was so weird. I know it was nothing but God. That peace continued to carry me through each and every day.

Now the last 3 days has been a whole different story. Through this experience I understand why people give up, why they quit. These days have been the worst ones out of all 21 days. Being so close to the finish line but my resistance is low. I feel put upon (even though I did sign up for this). Yes, my story is about coffee, but it is so much bigger than that. It is about life and how we approach obstacles and struggles. I have an end date in sight. I know I can make it. Yet, most situations we encounter in life are not that cut and dry. We do not know when the struggle will end. We don’t even know how we are going to come out on the other side of it. And these factors can make it easy to give up. It is so much easier. It seems like such a relief.

I’m here to tell you, don’t give up. Don’t quit! I know you have heard it plenty of times before, but I felt the need to say it again. The same struggle you want to give up on will come back around and you will be at square one. You will have to start all over again. You are in it right now. And you could be halfway through or 3 days from the goal. Do you really want to start all over again? HELL NO! Quitting is the easiest answer but it doesn’t make it the right one. Strengthen your resolve. Take it one day at a time. Pray. Whatever it takes for you to not just get through, but get better, do it! I didn’t believe in myself. Sometimes I forget how strong I am. I just needed a reminder. I am going to be your reminder. I believe in you. You are stronger than you think. You are resilient. You are able to succeed beyond your own imagination. You are a finisher.

Seriously, I am not giving up coffee again. It makes me happy and it isn’t hurting anyone. The only way I will stop drinking coffee again is if my doctor says they have found a cure for MS and for me to receive it I have to give up coffee 😆. I do however appreciate how this minor inconvenience gave me a whole new perspective on life, on me and my capabilities. I thank God for the lesson that was taught and the insight I gained. I hope you all were able to get a little perspective from this as well. It’s a new year and we are facing not just the same struggles, but new ones as well. We have made it this far. Let’s keep pushing. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡💚

P.S. I am one day away. So excited ☕😀