Yesterday, I almost had a breakdown because I couldn’t find a Clorox Handi-Wipe to wash my dishes. I know, it wasn’t that serious. Yet, it was. It was just another thing on top of the other things that happens day to day. Y’all know the saying, “It was the straw that broke the camel’s back”. It was in that moment that I realized, I am not okay. Ughhhh, fuck!
I look at my life and I think that I have it good. I make enough money to take care of myself, I go on trips, and I put gas in my car. I have great friends. I am close to my family. I live in a good neighborhood. On the outside looking in and on the inside looking out, this works. So what’s the problem? The problem is I do not allow myself to feel. I think about all the little shit that has been happening and how I just suck it up and keep it moving. I don’t let it get to me. Yet, it is getting to me. I’m just pushing it down like a jack in the box. Then, one Saturday morning, it pops out.
To be clear, I am okay, but there are times when I am not. Instead of stuffing it down, I need to take the time to feel what I am feeling. Whether it is anger, frustration, disappointment, hopelessness. I am not saying turn into a brat and throw a fit about every little thing that happens. I am saying, when I am frustrated about dropping multiple things, feeling hopeless about the state of the world, mad about another police brutality, and I have to pause and pull it together, I need to sit in that emotion instead. I have to allow myself to feel it and release it. Then, I won’t look or feel crazy for blowing up about a dish towel.
Well, this is my resolution for said event. I am unsure if it is the right solution. I don’t know the protocol for feeling your feelings. How do you normal, emotionally regulated people deal? I am not above suggestions. I am still growing and learning, and boy do I have a lot to learn. Happy Sunday 🌞. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚