Category: Life in Progress

One of the books we read in book club was Be Your Future Self Now by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. I find with self development books that I don’t agree with about half of what is said, but I always get a few tidbits to take with me. There were parts I was like is he serious?!?! For instance, in one of the chapters, Dr. Hardy said we picked the life that we are currently living before we came to be. I am pretty sure I would not have picked a life with two autoimmune diseases, allergies, and this height. Naw, dude. I do like to try and view things from a different perspective though. So I say, if I did pick this life, it was because I knew I was strong enough to handle it. As I told my friend Monica today, I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through this, and my heart hurts for the people that do.

One thing Dr. Hardy does in his books is ask us to write a letter to our future selves. It can be us in a year, five years, ten years, or any length of time. The amount of time is up to you. I chose a year because I can’t see any further than that. My life is so different from one day to the next. Five years from now is a total mystery to me. I thought I would share my letter with you all.

Dear Future Ebony,

I hope that the things you said you were going to do in 2025 has happened. That you finished the book. That you have completely moved and are happy in your space. That you see, it did work out in your favor. That when you walk into your apartment, you accomplished the goal of only buying things that made you happy. I hope you have revived your blog and have at least one thousand followers. I really hope you have found the one thing that sets your heart aflutter, and you are setting goals to achieve it. I want the best for you and I am going to help you get it.

I truly recommend this book by Dr. Hardy for this exercise alone. I mean now that I told you about it, you can just do it as well. But there is a few other gems he shares as well. It’s worth it. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

I feel like our parents wasn’t specific enough when we were kids about adulthood. They would say things like, “Enjoy being a kid while you can.” “Don’t rush to grow up.” Yeah, we needed more details. This adult shit is not cool. I mean we couldn’t have avoided it, yet we could have been, I don’t know, a lot more reluctant to embrace it. Stayed at our parents house a little longer. Saved more money. Travel when we didn’t have real responsibilities. Planned better. Something dammit! But here we are, an adult till the day we die. Just in the world, lost as fuck 😂.

Okay, I know everyone doesn’t feel this way, but I’m sure it is a good amount of people who do. I have spent so much time lately being introspective about my life. Where I have been, where I am and where I want to be. I can’t say I am happy about any of it. Okay, that is not true, I have had some great moments in this long life. Yet, I feel like if I had taken a left instead of a right here and there, I could have had more great moments. Who knows where I would be. Maybe exactly where I am right now or not. Looking back, I definitely would have been more open to experiencing life in other places and meeting all types of people. I probably would have been either a hoe or a virgin 🤷🏾‍♀️😂.

There is a song I have been obsessed with called Beautiful Things by Benson Boone. I mean I played the fuck out of that song. Maybe not as much as Workin’ on Lovin’ by Juice, which Spotify was so kind to tell me 😂. 

Anyway, there is a part in the song where he says, “And I think I might have it all.” Have you ever felt that way? As I look back on my life, I can’t think of a time when all areas of my life was in alignment. When I felt like it was too good to be true or I was afraid that it wouldn’t last. I’m not upset about it. I just know I want that. I want that level of contentment. To look at my life and say, “Damn this is what I wanted. I’m living in the moment I prayed for.” I do believe that it is still possible. I just have no clue of when it is going to happen.

I have spent way too much time in my thoughts and not writing them down. The more I tell myself I need to write, the less I have the desire to write. I don’t know what is going on, but I know I need to get it together y’all. I hope this posts finds you well and whole. Much love to you all 🧡💚

Here is the songs I mentioned in the post. Maybe you will enjoy them as well.

https://youtu.be/Oa_RSwwpPaA?si=GwaZf9XGurvakpJD

 

https://youtu.be/Hns5wg2zxLU?si=sl3FI02r19Z4_P-E

Lately, every time I start to write, I dont want to. I still love writing, but I try to live by the saying, If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all. I don’t have much good to say right now. Nothing really bad either. I’m just blah. I don’t know what it is about Spring, but I realize every year that is when my life takes a turn. A turn that sets the tone for the rest of my year and it usually isn’t a good tone. A tone that leaves me grasping for placement while hanging off a cliff with no one else around to save me but myself. Do you know what I mean?

So here I am trying to figure out how to change the tone. How not to go down the rabbit hole. How to reclaim my hopeful, happy mindset. That has been my focus for the last month or so. This year has to be different. This year will be different! I got shit to accomplish. This state of doing and being is not conducive to the life I say I want to live. The life that I am meant to live.

I always find when I talk about my struggles, there are others who feel the same way. Living a life that feels wrong and yearning for the life of our dreams. How do we find the path that will lead us to the life we are meant to live? I am trying to find it for us. When I do, I will make sure I share it. And if you find it first, I need you to share it with me.

At times, I feel so ungrateful because I have a good life. I do not have a need, or many wants, that are unfulfilled. Yet, something just ain’t right. How many of you can relate? I don’t know if my perspective is skewed or if I am in a state of cognitive dissonance. I just know I don’t like it. Under all this, is the me I know. The me I want to be. The me that writes. The me that has something to say, … well a lot of things actually. Be well and whole. Much Love 💙 🧩