Category: Uncategorized

I lied to my friend the other day. Not on purpose. I was thinking of a situation using my current environment, not my past environment. I saw a cute dude at the UPS Store, and of course I was looking. I got caught looking. I realized I wouldn’t have gotten caught if he wasn’t looking back. I said to Shayla, “Yeah, he is looking until I get out of this car and he sees I’m handicap.” Not verbatim, but close enough. She says, “If he has an issue then he is shallow, like you.” No protest, I am shallow, she knows me. Then I proceed to say, “I could possibly date a disabled dude. It just depends on the level of disability.  I don’t want to wipe ass.” That was the lie.

First, I don’t mean now. I’m limited. We can’t both need help. Second,  I was thinking along the lines of if I wasn’t disabled. I would like to think I would be a better person at this age if I didn’t have limitations. I hope that alternate universe Ebony would be over her shallowness and is able to see and love a disabled man, a short man, or a man with a great personality. Unfortunately, I would probably still be the shallow asshole that would not date a man with a disability or shorter than 5’10”.  Hell, I am a shallow asshole right now, and I don’t have any room to be.

The reason why I lied was because I look at myself and see all that I am despite my limitations, and I have to believe someone else will see it too. If I say, as a healthy person, I wouldn’t date a person with a disability, where does that leave me?  I cannot expect anyone to do something I would be unwilling to do in their same situation. A disability is just part of who a person is, not the whole person. I don’t want anyone who is out here making a life and a way for themselves to be without love for such a shallow reason, me included. Yet, everyone has preferences and who am I to put my insecurities on them.

When it is all said and done, the lie was unintentional. As I thought more about the topic, I realized that if I had minimal to no growth over the past 10+, I most likely would not date a man with limitations. Multiple sclerosis (MS) has changed me and allowed me to look at the world through a different lens. I have grown in many ways over the years. I guess that is one good thing it did. And just in case I switch bodies with alternate universe Ebony, I will be ready with my MS perspective to make sure that version of me evolves into a better person. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

You would think at this big age I would know what I want to do in life. I don’t. Even when I think I have figured it out, I’m wrong. I have consistently changed what I do for a living. Somehow, I get a restlessness for what I am doing, thinking that there is more to life. Truth is, there is more to life, and maybe I am meant to experience as much as I can. I get a little concerned because I don’t want to be one of those people who are never happy, always looking for something more. I do believe we can find beauty and contentment in the space we are living in currently.  I just don’t want that contentment to lull me into submission. Not solid on this word usage, but struggling to think of a different word.

Where am I going with this? Today, I purchased a membership to Codecademy. Codecademy is a website that assists you with learning computer coding. I briefly learned a very minimal amount of coding when I started my blog 7 years ago. I went in and made a couple of edits on my blog, and I was so excited. I guess not excited enough to keep learning 😆. Now, here I am giving it another shot. I would like to learn a lot more and use that knowledge to truly personalize my blog and possibly create my own website. Why not? I haven’t been happy with the hosting platform, and now they are nickle and diming (not a word) me for everything. I am sure I can’t do any worse.

So here I am, starting a whole new phase of life when I haven’t even mastered the one I’m in now. Smh. I stay doing some shit. I am excited about it though. Maybe this one will stick. And if it doesn’t, I can always try something else. It is much to be and do in life. Do you know what you want to be when you grow? Are you living your dream or still searching? You can tell me. I would like to hear from you. Stay well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

In South Carolina, I would go weekly to Stretch Lab, and a flexologist would assist me with stretching different areas of my body. Sometimes, we would focus on legs, other times back and arms. Not often but occasionally, whole body. My flexologist was Sheldon, and I miss him so much. I have not done any unassisted or assisted stretching since I have been back. My back had been hurting for over a week straight. Let me clarify. My back hurts every day, but it is levels to the pain. I am usually about a 3, but the past week, I had been on a solid 6. I don’t take drugs, so I decided to get a massage.

Before I came back, I was talking about how I was going to start getting at least a 30-minute massage bi-weekly. The massage place at the mall is reasonably priced and allows for such extravagance 😆. Or at least that is where I thought I was going to go. I googled Relax Magic to see what time they closed yesterday, and it said permanently closed. What the fuck? Who knew this topic would be so important that it had its own thread on Reddit regarding the closure?!? I found out from the Reddit post that the employees just moved to a new location across the street from the mall. YAY! The new spot is called Relax Zone. I would like to note that there is still a massage location at the mall. It has a new name and I have no clue what it is. Lol.

So, with the back hurting and general body dysfunction, I made my way into Relax Zone for an hour massage. I know I said 30 minutes, but it had been a while, and I needed it! My guy was fabulous. He did try to kill me in an effort to get out the knots, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think they want to work miracles and see me walk out of there healed 😆. Hell, I wish a simple massage would be the answer, too. For anyone who does not like a deep tissue massage, Relax  Zone is not for you. Not only did my massage therapist help me to get on the table for my massage, he sat me up when it was over, took off my socks, put my shoes on, and tied them up. I want to cry right now because that was so sweet. He has beat out my neighbor who wiped my face off with the towel. He is currently tied with my neighbor who picked me up off the ground when my dog niece, TT Jr, made me fall.

I am feeling so much better, and my back pain is back down to a level 3. I don’t know why I waited so long to get a massage. I really have to start taking better care of myself. Have you been neglecting yourself? What steps can you take to start back on your self care journey? Or do you practice self care consistently? If so, what does that look like for you? Don’t be like me, stay well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚