I have seen a lot of posts (I’m sure I am exaggerating), saying that our bodies are not the enemy. That we need to work with our bodies not against it. I don’t understand what that means. I think about my body and how it is currently working. If I went along with my body, I would be sleeping 12 – 16 hours each day and spending the other part laying around watching TV or scrolling on my phone. I go to sleep tired, I wake up tired, and I spend every minute of my day tired. I never feel rested or energized. I would eat take out for every meal because I don’t have the energy to cook. And I would definitely have a live-in housekeeper 😆. Before I was diagnosed with MS I didn’t like to clean, I sure as hell don’t want to use my limited energy to do it now. Eww!
I think about the morning when my leg gave out and how I had to get up off the floor. I didn’t hurt myself. The fall was slow therefore I could control it, but I couldn’t stop it. Now, I am on the floor and I have to strategize to get up off of it. First, I have to find something to leverage myself against to push up off the floor. I put one hand on the bed and the other hand on the nightstand. I pushed up, but my feet kept sliding on the carpet and I couldn’t get them up under me. Back down I go. This is why I say the carpet is the devil. It doesn’t have my best interest at heart. So now I’m like, let me try another area. I put one hand on the bed again and the other hand on my walker. The walker is iffy because though it has locks on it, it doesn’t lock 🤦🏾♀️. Don’t ask, I don’t know what its problem is. I push up again and my feet keep sliding on the carpet, but I am almost up and I am determined that this is it. I grab the footboard on my bed to keep me where I am while I try to figure out this sliding issue. So, I am half on the bed fighting to keep from going back down. I say to myself, “No, I am not going back down. I am getting the fuck up off this floor.” I take a breath and push all the way up. It is shaky, but I did it. I won!!!
So what do they mean? I feel like I’m in a fight with my body everyday. We are not friends. My body is not trying to work with me, so how can I work with it? I am not sure if I should call my body the enemy, but kinda. It is attacking itself after all. It sees itself as the enemy. And here I am trying to tell it how to behave. It is like a teenager that thinks they grown, but doesn’t know shit. We all know, you can’t tell teenagers nothing! So, when I make my body do something it doesn’t want to, I feel like I won. I’m not keep score though. If I did, I am sure I’m losing 😂.
So what do they mean? I don’t know. I probably should ask someone. Maybe they have some sound advice. Maybe, I am just like the teenagers and don’t listen to shit either. I guess until I find the piece of advice that fits me and my situation, I will keep focusing on winning the battles, if not the war. Keep fighting! Stay well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚