Ebony on Everything

I am currently in a place with multiple sclerosis (MS) where I have decreased sensation in my fingertips. I can type, drive, cook, and clean. Pretty much all the basic stuff. I do find that I am dropping things more so I did invest in one of those grabbers. I am sure that isn’t the correct name for it, but you get the point. One thing that I find myself actually struggling with is my hair. When I am washing, detangling, and styling my hair, I don’t feel it well. Also, my hands feel a little weak. The problem with this, I have a lot of fucking hair. It now takes me two days to do my hair because it is kind of a trial.

In an effort to not just cut it all off…again, I decided to get my hair braided. I am not really a fan of braids on my head for a few reasons. One, they are heavy. Two, I don’t like hair touching me. Three, it feels like I have a helmet on my head. Four, I am too cheap to pay for this on an ongoing basis. I put all these protests aside and got my hair braided. And all the things I just listed above still apply 😆. Akia, the young lady who braided my hair, did a great job. Once again, I am the problem. It has been turning out that I am the problem more and more lately, and I don’t like it. But I have been walking around looking crazy and I had to do something about it. Braids will give me a few weeks break, and I will finally look decent for a change.

I hope after a few days I will get used to the braids and quit whining. They do really look good, but I guess we will see. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

I am exhausted, wait that isn’t the right word. I am experiencing lassitude, extreme fatigue. I learned this word at a MS support group meeting a few years back. It is very fitting for how I feel today. I am like a newborn baby that can’t hold their head up. I have a post, but I can’t put the words together. So sleepy 🤤.

As I was going through my notes app looking for tonight’s topic, I came across this note that just had one little quote in it. I am sure there is more where that came from, but this one caught my eye. I am just going to leave this quote here.

God loves you and I’m trying. – Les Brown

I know I laughed my ass off when I first saw it. It still makes me giggle. Well, Les put into words what a good portion of us are feeling right now. Do you have a quote that instantly makes you laugh or just feel a little better? Please share. Be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚

I love dogs. I really love dogs. Recently, I dogsat my niece, TT Jr., and she let know that even though I love dogs, I do not want to own one. I don’t have the time or the energy. Hell, I am barely taking care of myself, it would be so unfair to put anything else in the mix.

Within the week of me having her, she started her cycle (Yuck), ran off twice to chasing after rabbits, jumped the fence, made me fall, and peed on the floor because I wouldn’t let her go outside to chase rabbits.  I had to come straight home because I didn’t want to leave her in the house by herself for too long. She spent all the time outside, sniffing every blade of grass and minding everyone else’s business. And she had doggy Covid aka kennel cough and would wake up coughing all night. It’s like having a damn kid. No, thank you.

I am going to strike out dog mom from my list of goals. Lol. I am pretty sure I want to be married. Like 80% sure. Then, I kept my niece and I my assuredness dropped by about 20%. I want to make my husband’s life better by being in it. Yet, I am going to have to do things I don’t want to do. Listen when he talks even though I just want to listen to music. Consider his feelings. Take care of someone else. And we just established I am bad at taking care of myself. All this time, I felt like I hadn’t met my husband because he was out living his life, when he should be looking for me 😆. Now, I have to accept the truth. I am the problem. God is looking at me like, “Girl, you aint ready. Quit asking me.” Why would He waste a perfectly good man on a selfish heffa like me? Damn.

I do feel as if my feelings will change, and I will be more receptive to being in a relationship and doing all the things. But right now, no. No dogs, no man, no kids. TT Jr. made me see the light. So, I guess I can’t complain anymore about my unmarried state or talk shit about my future husband not being here😔. Realizing that my behavior has been very passive-aggressive towards him is another indicator I’m not ready. Smh. Anyways, be well and whole. Much Love 🧡 💚