Category: Life in Progress

I hate to cry. I don’t know if I have said this in one of my post before, but I can’t say it enough. I HATE TO CRY!  It gives me a headache. It makes me look ugly. And I believe that nothing is solved by it. The thing that I was crying about is still an issue when I’m done crying, so why bother. Now I look jacked up, got a headache and I feel like a crybaby. I don’t even like to cry when I am by myself. The only time crying is acceptable to me is when I’m angry, I’m happy, I see something really touching or when someone dies. I have issues, I know.

I am in this process of evalutating myself and continuing to grow up to be a better human being. To find what my purpose is and to serve in my purpose. God put me here for a reason and I am desperate to know what that is. I have been watching sermons, Ted talks and anything that I feel may spark a fire. One sermon I watched recently I can’t stop thinking about. Sarah Jakes Roberts and her husband Pastor Toure Roberts had a chat about love and soul mates. The one thing that kept sticking out to me was Sarah saying that she had to be vulnerable. Vulnerable with Pastor Toure so that he could fulfill his purpose as her husband. The light bulb came on.

I don’t know how to be vulnerable. Please don’t be offended, this pertains to me only. I think vulnerability is a weakness. I believe that it allows people to take advantage of me. The only time that I can remember being vulnerable with anyone was with my first love. I didn’t know any better. Lol. I didn’t know to hold anything back. I dived face first into love and came out hurt, restricted and scarred. Scars that I obviously still have to this day. (Side note, I don’t hold anything against him. We were kids. I know I did my fair share of hurting him and generally being an asshole to him.) The one thing that I did learn is not to be vulnerable because I did not want to feel pain like that again.

So here I am, old as hell, finally facing myself and saying something ain’t right here. How would I have the ability to love someone and allow someone to love me  without transparency and vulnerability? I think that is impossible. There is One that can make the impossible possible, God. Please don’t judge me at this point, but I am not even vulnerable in my private time with God. I know, I know. Now back to crying. I will even fight crying in my private time with the one true healer because I hate it so much. I’m probably telling you people too much about me right now. Seriously. Anyways, like I said I’m evaluating. I realize that if I can’t even be vulnerable with myself and God, how can I be vulnerable with anyone else? Duh!!!

Now that I have had this epiphany, I feel suddenly more emotional. And of course I don’t like it AT ALL! The difference is I’m not going to fight it. I’m not going to stop the tears, unless I’m on my way to work. Ok a whole day of ugly, work with me here people. I am going to pray, talk to God and cry if that is needed for my breakthrough. I am going to allow people into my restricted places. I am going to be vulnerable. If you haven’t realized it at this point, I have already started by sharing this with you.

What is a struggle for you? What do you see as a weakness?  What was an epiphany that changed your life? I don’t expect any comments on here. Lol. But if you want to talk about it privately, please feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. No judgments, just love and acceptance if you want to talk. Remember to make a comment, click on the title and it will have a comment box at the end of the post.

I’m not sure of how many people think about this but I still want to talk about it. I was in the store today to purchase a few items. Toilet paper was on my list. I don’t have a memebership to Costco or Sam’s because it’s just me and I cannot see the value added from owning one. I buy my items at a regular retail store. When I went to get the toilet paper I was disturbed. There was not a package of toilet paper that was just a regular roll or a double roll. All of the packages of the brand I buy was in mega roll form. I don’t believe in that. There is no way in hell that a pack of 6 rolls of toilet paper would last me as long as a pack of 24 single rolls! And what toilet paper holder can hold a roll of paper that is said to contain 4 rolls? Not mine. At one point when I went into the store I had the option of buying at least a double roll package of 12 equals 24, which I have always been leery about. Now this option is no longer available. What the hell?

I have notice over the years manufacturers reducing size of containers but still charging the same price. Or worst more. Lol. Most of these items are essential and we have no other choice but to buy them. Obviously toilet paper is a necessity. Therefore, I feel like we as consumers are getting ripped off. I can’t stop saying this, but there is no in hell way that there is 24 rolls of toilet paper in just 6 rolls. I understand that some people may want less toilet paper rolls hogging up their storage or linen closets. For me, I prefer single rolls or at most double rolls. I’ll find the space for them.

So after standing in the aisle for a good 3-5 minutes, I decided to switch brands. I wasnt going to say which brand but why not. I normally purchase Charmin but I have switched to Cottonelle for now. At this time they are still supplying a 12 rolls equals 24 rolls package. I’m sure that will probably change soon. Smh. And when it does I won’t know what brand to buy. I’m not strictly a label shopper but some brands I feel are better for me. When it comes to toilet paper, I haven’t found a store brand that compares. Now with paper towels, Target’s Up and Up brand can get my dollar any day.

What products have you noticed that seem like they are ripping you off? Did you switch or continued to stay with that brand? Do you know of any store brands that are better and more cost effective than the brand names? Please share.