Category: Notes to Self

I do love driving, on the expressway that is, but today I would have loved to be a passenger. I just wanted to ride and enjoy the breeze and listen to the music. Didn’t happen though. I drove myself to my favorite spot. It is the day before they are having their hugely popular, free jazz festival. People are camped out with their tents set up. They came in RVs.

I have never attended the festival but I have heard that it is great. The first part that would make it great is that it’s free. Lol. Also, I have seen the line up and it seems like it will be entertaining. Last, but not least, it is on the water. What more could you ask for? One downside, portable potties. Ugh! I know they have made them pretty extravagant lately, but these are not 😂😂😂.

Unfortunately, I am not going to attend this year either. I have decided I need to make new friends. Some with one of these campers so that I can camp out and hide in one when the sun gets to be too much. It is forecasted to be in the 90s the next couple of days. Hot 🔥. Also, I am social awkward and not a fan of crowds. Here is some information for anyone who didn’t know about the jazz festival and is thinking about joining the fun.

I am currently having a love affair with a park. I don’t feel complete unless I go there at least once a week. I soak up the views and my hair soaks up the moisture in the air. Got a nice surprise when I looked in the mirror. My hair is pretty interesting right now. I people watched. I am fascinated by humans, even though I don’t like them very much. I watch their interactions with each other. Their mannerisms. I saw a hot guy with his Siberian husky which was even cuter than him. I watched a little girl chase after this ultra friendly groundhog as she screamed with delight. I took a picture of this lone duck.

Can’t recall the last time I’ve seen a duck all by itself. I felt a kinship with this singular animal. I wondered if it was lonely? I observed people setting up their chairs already for tomorrow’s festivities. I almost fell over walking back to my car because I was a little unstable walking up a hill. I wondered if anyone would have helped me up if I had fallen.

At this point I am back at my car. It’s dark and I have to go to the restroom, but I’ll be damned if I use one of those portable potties. Lol. As I leave the park I drive 15 mph because it is the speed limit, but also because I am fascinated by all of the campers and RVs populating the park. I make it to a Speedway that provided the mirror which allowed me to see the disaster which is my hair. I purchase a couple of lottery tickets and get back in the car to head home. I would really like to drive to Detroit because it is a great night. Then I think about the pain in the ass detour that I will have to take to get home and I turn left onto 75 south. No thanks. The sky is kind of clear and I can see a few stars sparkling in the sky. The sun is down but I can see the streaks of color right above the tree line. I am having a great drive. My music is on and car cruising at 75 mph.

At this point y’all are probably like so! I know it sounds mundane and unexciting. It may be that way for most people. For me, it was a perfect end to a day. I enjoyed the world that God created. I appreciated its beauty and serenity. I allowed my mind to relax and observed my surroundings. I even giggled at a car full of white boys hooting and hollering at me. I played peek-a-boo with the little girl in the car next to me. What makes you feel this way? Where is your place of peace? How long has it been since you went there? I hope it has been within the last week. Don’t push yourself to the point of burning out. Whatever it is that you need to restore your peace, make it a priority to do.

I am on this kick right now about self-love. Each day I realize how important it is for us to love ourselves. To make ourselves a priority. To not get lost or bogged down with matters that may or may not concern us. I know I am probably getting on y’all nerves with this, but I listened to a Quote of the Day show featuring Lisa Nichols that spoke to this. I loved it so much that I downloaded it. I have listened to it repeatedly. It is episode 326 titled, “The Greatest Love You Can Ever Give the World is a Demonstration of What Loving You Looks Like “. Check it out. With all matters in life, be well and whole. You own it to yourself. And no it is not selfish, it is preservation.

To start off, I may alienate some men with these next few posts. That is not my intent. I want everyone to be able to read my blog and get something out of it. I just feel the need to focus on women right now. We are at a time where women are having their day in the light. I wish the reason was positive but unfortunately it is negative press. I am not going to get into it with this post but I will in the next one. This post will be mainly centered around this article that I read. Here is the link to the article. I suggest that you read it before you proceed any further otherwise I may lose you. I don’t care what your race or nationality is, any woman should be able to relate to something in this article.

*I am so sorry, but for some odd reason this link is not allowing me to add where you can click it, read it and then come back to this post. I suggest to copy and paste in your browser to read. I promise it will be worth your time.*

http://theglowup.theroot.com/for-colored-girls-in-their-30s-and-40s-who-feel-like-li-1821646201

As you all know, I have recently turned 40. Oddly enough I did not feel these feelings upon crossing that milestone, but I have felt them many times before. When I was younger I wanted to be married by 23 and have my first child at 25. None of this has happened. No kids and no husband. Not even dating. I have wanted to work in many different career fields. I have even attended beauty school twice, licensed esthetician and licensed nail technician. I have went to college three different times for three different majors and I still don’t have a degree. This one burns a little. Not one of my earlier imaginings of life has come to fruition. Oddly enough I am okay with it, most days. I believe most people have moments when they question themselves and feel as if they have not accomplished enough. Now my question to you is, “Your goals and ideas, are they want you really want or what you think you should want or have?”

What I mean by that is people say you should buy a house, have a family, go to college, yada yada. People judge us on these expectations so we may feel pressured to obtain things that we may not really want. Or we don’t know that we don’t want these things until we get them. I have been a homeowner for 16 years and let me tell you, it’s over-fucking-rated! And I am not saying that to dissuade anyone or discourage anyone. I am saying it because it is true for me. All of the responsibility is on you when you own a home. Something breaks down, you have to pay for it. The sewer backs up, on you. All utilities, yea that’s you too. Property taxes are still due even after you have paid your house off. There are of course a good amount of pluses to being a homeowner. I am glad that I have had the experience but I’m good with letting it go as well.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Out of all of the expectations for me as a woman, as a contributing member of society, there is a couple that I will say fits me right now in my life. I want to serve and to help people and I want to get married. All the rest of it is up in the air. I don’t want my life to be defined by other’s expectations. I want to live a life that shows God is in me and that makes me happy. Forget all the rest. I want to live in my purpose, whatever that may be. Still a little foggy on that.

There was a young lady in her thirties that posted a comment after the article. It made tears come to my eyes. I felt her pain heavily within me. I have been where she is right now. I have known her uncertainty. I couldn’t help but give some words of encouragement. This is what I said to her;

“Oh my goodness you made me cry. I don’t know you but you are awesome and amazing. Keep pushing and fighting. Never give up. These moments working jobs you don’t want and doing things you don’t like are learning moments. God is building you up with the knowledge and gifts that are going to benefit you when it is time. Look back on all of your experiences and jobs and write down what you learned, be it good or bad. You needed these things to be the person you are ultimately meant to be. Don’t despair. It will be alright. You will be better than alright. You will be extraordinary. God bless you.”

This message is for any woman feeling less than, insecure, what the hell am I doing with my life, why am I here, where is my husband (ok maybe that is just me lol). We are everything that we are meant to be right now. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t rush your timeline. Live your best life in this moment and the next. God bless you all.

As always, you can leave a comment in the box below or feel free to email me at elsims27@yahoo.com.

Now I know that I just did a post about people being too damn sensitive and I am not backtracking on that. But have you seen the Dove ad? Even though I initially had not seen the full ad, I wasn’t offended. After seeing the full ad, I understood it a little better. I was however a little surprised. I was surprised that no one in their marketing team had notice the obvious racial undertones. I was surprised that they decided to play it. And surprised that people who saw it did not understand why some black people were offended. The ad was in poor taste. I have to believe that there is not a single person of color working in their marketing department.

As a brown skinned black woman, I understand why people were offended. Growing up most of my friends were light skinned and I wanted to be too. I have never told them this story so I know that they will be surprised when they read this. My mother and brother were lighter skinned as well. I told my mom that I wished I was light skinned. She sat me down and straighten me out. The things she said to me that day has allowed me to love the skin that I am in everyday from then on. She told me I was beautiful and I believed her. She encouraged me to love myself for who I was. Now when I see ads that look like they are saying my black isn’t beautiful, I know that it is. I am not defined by society’s narrow view of beautiful. I am defined by my own view.

Now let’s look at society’s view to get down to the bottom of this. Even though America is a melting pot of all colors, races and nationalities, society has continued to hold tight its standard ideal of beauty. If you are white, slim and usually blond, you are in the money. Yes it seems as if bigger butts and curves are in, but this is so new and has the possibility to go out of style as trendy clothes and shoes do. Women of color have had curves and bigger butts before they were trendy. And it was not accepted. We are rarely even thought of as beautiful outside our own race. And face challenges within our own race for our darker skin. So when you see an ad where a black woman takes off her shirt and becomes a white woman, it can be a little offensive. In Dove’s defensive, the white woman became another nationality as well. Not sure which and I don’t want to assume her race. So with that you know the message wasn’t meant as racist but was still riding a fine line as inappropriate.

Here are a couple of other instances where black woman or darker skinned black woman are not accepted. A beautiful black woman was featured in an Old Navy ad with an attractive white man and the shit hit the fan. Old Navy got so many complaints that the ad was pulled and that interracial combination has not been seen since. The combination they stick with now is a black woman with a group of other people or by herself. They rarely even show black women with black men. America is not the only country that has a problem with brown skin. There was a young lady, Nayara Justino, who won the crown for Globeleza carnival queen in 2013. The first brown skin black woman since they started the competition in 1993. Yep, same thing. People were so upset with her skin tone that they took her title from her without any explanation or justification. She was replaced with a standard of beauty light skinned woman. Now the television network, Globo, who created the competition said it was not the case, so what was? There are many more instances that I can name but it would take all day and some.

If you are a black woman who did not have a mom like mines or was bullied for your skin tone, these obvious prejudices would be hurtful. To watch ads and rarely see yourself represented, it can be a challenge. To see yourself represented in a way that is questionably, it can be offensive. To attend an event and have a white woman say to you that you are pretty as if she was surprised, you would be a little mad. Damn right I am! Lol. I actually was surprised that she was surprised. I can only assume her circle of people doesn’t include many black people.

I have never been, nor will I ever be the standard of beauty in America. Does this make me not beautiful, hell naw! Fuck their standards. I know that I am beautiful. Do you? If you would like to share your challenges, your hurts or anything else that you would like to add, please leave a comment. Or as always you can email me at elsims27@yahoo.com. To leave a comment, click on the title and a comment box will appear at the end of the post.